Fog not Fear

Around 2 years ago, I had a dream and this dream seems to pop up when things shift in my life just as a reminder. This time around, with a life shift of this magnitude the image and message of this dream lovingly haunt me and remind my soul to calm down and drive! Read this and you’ll see what I mean!

The dream simply consists of me driving in my car on a wooden bridge on a very foggy morning. It is so foggy I can’t see past the hood of my car and frankly, I’m scared to death! As I’m driving (slowly), I see shadows on the side the bridge and when I pass them I see there are many abandoned vehicles all along the sides. So in my dream I stopped and asked the Lord why are there so many empty cars. He replied and said that each time an opportunity for change/growth/shifting/pruning/etc. came up in my life and I started this journey in my car and things got too scary or too unpredictable I simply stopped the car, got out and walked off the bridge. Basically saying I didn’t trust Him enough to stay in and see what was on the other side for me. I was chickening out before I even found out what was in store!

So that dream pops up again and again at random times throughout my day, just that image of me on that foggy bridge. I can see myself in my current situation and I’m still driving my car (white-knucklin’ it, going 5 miles an hour) and each abandoned car I pass pushes me farther. I can’t back down this time; I can’t walk away from this opportunity. I’ve wasted too many open doors and never entered because of fear. This time will be different! This life change for me has become so real and in my face the past few days because to sum it up in a nut shell all my ‘familiar’ is being stripped away and I’m faced with the raw, unknown, newness of life.

 Reality check #1:  I am slowly beginning the process of transitioning out as the music pastor at my church (my heart aches to think about leaving them!) 

Reality check #2: Tomorrow is my last day with my students and my classroom is already packed up!

Reality Check #3: Wednesday is my last official day as a teacher of Florence School District 3!

 Reality Check #4: Saturday, June 1^st is the day I can officially submit my application to the Harvest Ministry School in Pemba, Mozambique!

 Reality check #4: October is only 5 months away!

 So although my drive is foggy on this trip, the fog that I once feared I now welcome because it helps me to focus on the now and leave the “what’s next” in His hands. I can’t ‘drive’ through this life journey worrying if the bridge will turn and I’ll miss it or if there are holes that may slow me down, I have to continue to ‘drive’. Is there fear? Yes, but my soul is more secure than scared because of the God I serve and His promises that hold me steady.

 Not only that, but He has placed SO many mighty men and women of God in my life for this specific moment in my life to remind me to buckle up and hit the gas. I am blessed beyond measure because right now I feel so fickle at times, and each time my mind gets the best of me I receive an encouraging text or phone call, or I get a swift kick of the butt to keep moving from my special God-given friends who know me and know where I’m headed! So although everyday is a constant battle between mind and spirit, trying to make sense of things and make sure this is the right thing, I am bombarded to often with the good of what’s on the other side of that bridge and it cancels out all fear and doubt! No matter what goes down I’m not getting out the car and my friends are putting the child safety locks on the doors in case I do try to make any escape attempts J

 

So here’s to living in fog….not fear.

 I see where I am right now and trust He knows where I’m headed.

 Foggy drives of life take the pressure off of me to make things happen…and all I have to do is enjoy the ride!