Back to School

On July 1^st my teaching contract with Florence School District 3 ended but the reality of it didn’t set in until this morning. After skimming through the Facebook newsfeed and seeing all the updates about the first day back at school and seeing pictures of empty classrooms ready for eager babies to come and fill them. After talking with teacher friends who were excited and nervous about starting school and seeing little ones in their brand new school outfits smiling from ear to ear, I stopped with an overwhelming feeling in my gut thinking.. Where do I belong? That was my life and my ‘purpose’ for the past 5 years and I spent 4 years in college learning and growing as a teacher and now the school year has started and I’m not there. I guess change isn’t an easy pill to swallow. So then comes  this turmoil in my mind and gut wrenching feeling of being unproductive, lazy and for lack of better words,a bum… I sat for a minute examining my life and truly battling between the reality of my circumstance and the will of God for my life.

But as I began to reflect on my life and quiet the voice of man’s opinion and current circumstance I could hear the Daddy’s voice so faintly and full of love saying, “This is life. This is living baby girl. Putting all you’ve ever known aside and dropping all you love to come and follow me. Now you’re walking in the truest form of purpose you have ever known”. And my heart began to rest, tears filled my worried eyes and peace overwhelmed me. My feelings of doubt, guilt, and anxiety were replaced with grace, purpose, and peace.

 I lived too long worrying with the opinions of man and letting success, careers and money control me. I lived in a place of uncertainty never truly feeling fulfilled and always being weighed down with never having enough. I was irresponsible with my finances, created a lifestyle of not enough, and took my career and my ministry time there for granted for too long. Now here I am with no income and no job and yet I have never gone lacking for anything. He has and still is providing for all my needs. He has shown himself true and faithful and it took pulling me out of what I knew to get me to this point where I HAD to trust him and him alone. I couldn’t rely on the school district or my paycheck.

 Does that mean I am recommending we all quit our jobs? No, he has a purpose and plan for each of us and mine happens to be mission work. Do I miss teaching? YES! But I know Daddy knows the desires of my heart and he will take those two loves and intertwine them and he’s already shown me that by sending me to Iris Ministries where I will be given the opportunity to love on and teach children everyday while I am learning and growing as a missionary! The best of both worlds…I must be his favorite!

It’s time we step up and look at our lives right now in this moment and decide who/what are we living for? Are you living, breathing, and enjoying each day or holding your breath and counting down the minutes until that day is over? It’s time we live life and live it abundantly with peace, joy, love, and hope. So right now, I am here at home with no career, no income, and a scary yet exciting step ahead of me come October, but after my battle of mind and spirit, he has reassured me this is exactly where he has called me to be and he couldn’t be more proud. I’ve done it. Yet I’ve only started. Referring to my blog entitled 50 cents..not the rapper.. the grenade has been thrown, what I’ve known is gone, and I’m here with my ’50 cents’ waiting to go onto the next step….into the unknown but with courage and boldness knowing I have purpose and I am being led every second by Daddy God. No man, no paycheck, no ties…just him and I walking side by side living life as He intended. So today is my first day of school and the first lesson was a hard one and I’m sure I will have a test soon so I’m applying it to my heart, deep in the core of my spirit that I live to please Daddy God alone. I’m here to do what he’s asked me to do and watch him multiply my funds and my abilities.

 

This school year I’m not the teacher….I’m the student. Here I go!