WHO Koinonia and the Velveteen Rabbit

The essence of Koinonia brings forth the real you.

This weekend during the WHO Koinonia conference I came face to face with the true and authentic ME.

However it came in a way I never expected. I saw myself through the embraces, affections, words, smiles, and faces of every person there. I could see myself in them, through them, I felt myself become real with every hug and every ‘I love you’.  As others released themselves I saw more of me.

 So becoming me really has nothing to do with me, it comes through Koinonia. We are complete in each other. It’s not an isolated journey; and for so long I looked inward trying to see myself, walking down a path alone looking for intimacy and authenticity and all the while missing the one ingredient that draws me out, family….Koinonia.

I was lying in bed this morning still suffering from the WHO Koinonia hangover :) and thought of the old story of the Velveteen rabbit. So I began to look up excerpts of the story as I remembered how the rabbit wanted to be real. He saw the other toys and wondered how they became real so he asked the Skin horse that question…..”How do I become real?” and the response broke me.

Who knew that a simple children’s story could be so profound and revelatory to my life, how can one excerpt sum up my whole Koinonia experience?

Because it’s true. Becoming real takes love. It wears you down. It hurts but only little by little. Becoming real is uncomfortable enough to keep us moving but not so uncomfortable that we run from it. This weekend I broke myself open in a deeper way. Papa came in like a wrecking ball and opened me up to others. That’s where I found the real me. Every heart connection that was made, every hug broke another rib so that Papa could get to that stony heart of mine and massage it back to life.

It was something I couldn’t control. Every fiber of my being wanted to honor every person I came in contact with. My arms couldn’t be stopped, I had to hug them. My words couldn’t be held back, I had to tell them how much I loved them, and surprisingly I meant it. I felt love so deep I couldn’t fathom it.

That love for my family still resonates and seems to get stronger each day, and as scary as is it…it’s spreading. My arms are stretching forth to those I deemed unlovable. My heart is breaking open in front of those I said I couldn’t trust. My words of love are being poured out to those I said didn’t listen and didn’t care. It’s not my job to inquire if someone is worthy of love, I can’t help but love. I am Koinonia. It flows through my veins. Everyone I see is a part of me. I need them to be complete.

Sunday morning as the guitarists were playing I felt as if I were in a trance, the music was alive. The melodies seemed to paint a picture and I could feel love dancing to the rhythm of the music. Love became. Love was real.. Love took form. Koinonia danced that morning.

I sat there in awe, my heart bursting its seams and I asked Papa to show me himself. I opened my eyes and looked around and every person I looked at was covered in prisms, their skin was glimmering and when I looked closer every inch of skin was covered with eyes… Papa’s eyes. As strange as it looked I couldn’t help but look at each person and see myself. We see ourselves in the reflections of His eyes of fiery love and each person there was covered by His eyes so no matter where I looked I saw myself. I saw myself in them, on them, they literally made up who I was. Their DNA reflected who I am!  I saw the real me in every person there. All I could do was stare, cry, and look to each person with such honor and gratitude. Most people had no idea the impact they had on my life this weekend by just being there. By just being present I was able to see my reflection and see every facet of who I was. And as it was said this weekend, without each one of them a facet of who I am would be missing. Koinonia would not have been complete.

So from my heart I say thank you for those who came. You complete me.

I am changed simply because you came.

And now that I am real, completely changed by the wear and tear of love, I can’t turn back. I can’t become unreal again, it lasts for always.